Am I even making a difference?

I had a conversation at the beginning of this week that really made me question my being in Uganda. Am I being helpful? Am I really needed here? Could I being doing something bigger and better? My stomach was in a twist. Would it even matter if i climbed on a plane tonight? Would I be missed and needed here?

These questions were hard ones to ask myself. I began to doubt. Was all this "moving to Uganda" hoorah dumb, or even worth it? I was doubting my ability to make a difference here. I hug babies, get peed on, chase boys around the yard, ask "what shape is this?" over and over again, peel matoke, and wipe drool day in and day out. But am I making a difference? It's easy to get comfortable where we are, to forget our purpose as Christ followers in this life. Sometimes, we have to question our motives. So i asked myself, truly, why am I here? To glorify God. Because I am being obedient to His call for my life, and all Christians. So if I am being truthful, and these really are my motives, then why am I asking myself if I am making a difference?

I doubt. I doubt God's ability to work and to move inside of me and around me. This reality certainly shot down my pride. Who am I to doubt the God of the universe? The God who parted the red sea? The God who forgave the Corinthians? The God who gave his only son to die for people so unworthy?

The reality is:

I can't make a difference. At least not without Him. He is the one who transforms lives. He is the one who changes people from the inside out. So, I trust Him, I seek Him, I fall more and more madly in love with Him. As long as I am obedient to what He has told me to do and I trust in His will, He will bless me and those around me. 

So in doing these seemingly pointless, sometimes not fun things, everyday, I am being obedient. He has me here, to do these things. So I will continue His work and continue to seek Him, and His will for my life. Even if it ends up being changing diapers, and cuddling kids every single day, for the rest of my life.