The Ultimate Healer
I've been working on writing this blog for the last week now, not really knowing what to say.
First of all, I am so blessed. God answered my prayers and went beyond. The culture shock came in forms I didn't expect. Walmart did overwhelm me a bit, but I didn't cry. I was expecting to cry. Driving on the right side of the road instead of the left... not hard. Stop lights, oh yeah, those exist? I think every chef in Asheville is magical because of the speed at which they get my food to me. Quite a contrast from the typical two hour wait in Uganda. Oh spin bike, how I missed you! Being at home and being with my family is incredible. I miss the kids, the red dirt, the random ugandan boda drivers making conversation with me, 20 cent pineapples, my favorite sound, "Auntie, Auntie!" and so much more. You know what makes the hurt of missing all of this slightly easier? The fact that I know I am where God wants me now. With family, working through who I am and what comes next.
As many of you know, while I was in Uganda, one of our little girls passed away. I had never experienced death. It can't be explained. It's hard and it hurts deep.
Being in Uganda didn't allow me to fully process anything. There was no alone time. Ever. there were always kids or people around. I couldn't be with God and my thoughts alone, ever. That's hard. As humans, we need to process; to think through, journal through, cry through, be angry through, and hurt through experiencing death. I couldn't do that there. It's not easy, but I also believe that was a blessing from God. He allowed for that to be pushed aside for a while in order for me to enjoy His present blessings at the time. But now, I am home. The processing has begun, and you know what? I'm glad.
It's a process of healing, and God does it best. He is the ultimate healer, and I am forever thankful for that. A reason in and of itself to praise Him in the valley.
Healing has allowed me to be completely broken down to the core, where things hurt deeply. I believe God allows us to feel this for a reason. It is so we know better the vastness of His grace and mercy; to help us understand what joy that comes from him is like. A joy that is present when it doesn't make sense, when everything seems to be falling to pieces. My prayer in the last two weeks since I got off of that plane in the Asheville Regional Airport was for God to heal my heart, stretch me in knew ways, and show me His plan for my next steps in life. And boy has God answered those prayers. Well, except for the "next steps in life" one. I find myself wanting to know what's next, what's next and then five days later I am so thankful I didn't make any decisions because of what God has done in my life in just those few days.
Many of you know Romans 8:28. Since my arrival in Uganda, God has used Romans 8:27-28 to encourage and strengthen my faith and desires for life! It says:
First of all, I am so blessed. God answered my prayers and went beyond. The culture shock came in forms I didn't expect. Walmart did overwhelm me a bit, but I didn't cry. I was expecting to cry. Driving on the right side of the road instead of the left... not hard. Stop lights, oh yeah, those exist? I think every chef in Asheville is magical because of the speed at which they get my food to me. Quite a contrast from the typical two hour wait in Uganda. Oh spin bike, how I missed you! Being at home and being with my family is incredible. I miss the kids, the red dirt, the random ugandan boda drivers making conversation with me, 20 cent pineapples, my favorite sound, "Auntie, Auntie!" and so much more. You know what makes the hurt of missing all of this slightly easier? The fact that I know I am where God wants me now. With family, working through who I am and what comes next.
As many of you know, while I was in Uganda, one of our little girls passed away. I had never experienced death. It can't be explained. It's hard and it hurts deep.
Being in Uganda didn't allow me to fully process anything. There was no alone time. Ever. there were always kids or people around. I couldn't be with God and my thoughts alone, ever. That's hard. As humans, we need to process; to think through, journal through, cry through, be angry through, and hurt through experiencing death. I couldn't do that there. It's not easy, but I also believe that was a blessing from God. He allowed for that to be pushed aside for a while in order for me to enjoy His present blessings at the time. But now, I am home. The processing has begun, and you know what? I'm glad.
It's a process of healing, and God does it best. He is the ultimate healer, and I am forever thankful for that. A reason in and of itself to praise Him in the valley.
Healing has allowed me to be completely broken down to the core, where things hurt deeply. I believe God allows us to feel this for a reason. It is so we know better the vastness of His grace and mercy; to help us understand what joy that comes from him is like. A joy that is present when it doesn't make sense, when everything seems to be falling to pieces. My prayer in the last two weeks since I got off of that plane in the Asheville Regional Airport was for God to heal my heart, stretch me in knew ways, and show me His plan for my next steps in life. And boy has God answered those prayers. Well, except for the "next steps in life" one. I find myself wanting to know what's next, what's next and then five days later I am so thankful I didn't make any decisions because of what God has done in my life in just those few days.
Many of you know Romans 8:28. Since my arrival in Uganda, God has used Romans 8:27-28 to encourage and strengthen my faith and desires for life! It says:
"And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the spirit is saying, for the spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will. And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:27-28
This verse constantly, more than a few times a day, plays through my heart and my mind. The Father of everything. Literally everything knows my heart. He knows my heart even more than I know my own heart. The Spirit is guiding us and pleading us along the path which God sets for us, usually the one we overlook or decide isn't good enough. Now pay attention to this... God causes ALL things to work together for the good of those who LOVE THE LORD! Causes. God purposefully makes everything in my life work together for my good. BUT, this isn't just because. He says He does it for the good of not everyone, but for those who love the Lord.
Now, loving to Lord. I have learned and experienced this so much recently. Loving God isn't just a saying or a prayer everyday. Loving the Lord is the sacrifice of everything that is in your life to Him. Being completely devoted to Him and His will for your life. And equally as important, living by the Holy Spirit. This isn't an easy journey but it's blessings go far beyond the suffering!
One of the reasons I was so nervous to come home was my fear of returning to complacency and losing my hunger and thirst for the Lord and His Word. This has not happened. If anything I am ever more desperate, in the daily activities of an american life, for Christ. The guide and the healer.
No, I don't know what God is bringing next but I am being faithful in what I know now. I do know, as long as I continue to be faithful and to love the Lord with every single part of my heart and honor Him with every aspect of my life, He will work ALL THINGS together for GOOD.
I know God is healing me. God is healing my heart. God is strengthening me to go beyond what I thought I could do. God is showing me who truly loves. God is healing me; day by day with His beauty and grace, with the purification of my soul. It says in revelations that God makes all things new. He is making my heart new.
God is the Ultimate Healer!
Hey Josey....Momma Castle here! :-) I will forever be your blog-stalker. I don't know you, but I love you and your heart to share so openly. Thankful for what God continues to teach you back on this side of the world.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, please know our home is always open should you ever need a place to "land" in Middle Tennessee!
Blessings!
Thank you so much :) I try not to word vomit everytime I write a blog! And yes, I will definitely be visiting y'all in Nashville!!!!
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