Beautiful Gate
This is what Satan has been saying:
Josey, you're not beautiful
Josey, you'll never make it as a nurse
Josey, if you were as skinny as you were in high school life would be better
Josey, you can't find joy in school
Josey, everyone sees your imperfections
Josey, no guy will ever want to be your partner for life
Josey, you're not a treasured workmanship of Jesus
Josey, maybe if you try a little harder God will give you whatever you want
Josey, you won't ever be a good missionary
Josey... Josey... Josey
He says my name like he knows me. He says the things my very flesh is the fastest to believe. He says them because he knows those are the things that push me the furthest. He likes to get into the cracks of our minds and disguise himself so we don't even think for a second it's him and we just sit and revel in the lies he spits. The enemy is real, and he is evil.
I've been contemplating writing these feeling on my blog for over a week or so now. And even as I am typing I don't want to share because this is a struggle to reveal that makes me extremely vulnerable, more than I think I have ever been.
I've thought it to be a bad streak. Gaining 35 pounds, getting a ridiculous amount of acne (like come on I'm not in high school anymore), never ending doctors appointments, loneliness in a school full of unbelievers, and situations I'm still processing from my time in Uganda. I catch my self saying in my head, "Come on God, can I catch a break?" Why the continuation. I'm so tired. I love life, but why do you continue to push me a little further than I think I can handle? Oh and then this happens... I start feeling guilty. Satan says, "Shut up Josey, you're fine. People have it much worse, you should feel great. No one wants to hear what hurts."
I struggle to live out the second half of the gospel in my life. I'm really really really good at remembering that I'm a wretched sinner in need of grace and in need of a savior. But, I'm really really really bad at remembering that I am now treasured and unconditionally loved, and whiter than snow. Satan keeps telling me I just need to do a little more, even look a little better... and he. is. a. liar.
Listen to this:
"Now Peter and John were going up to the temple at the hour of prayer, the ninth hour. And a man lame form birth was being carried, whom they laid daily at the gate of the temple that is called Beautiful Gate to ask alms of those entering the temple. Seeing Peter and John about the go into the temple, he asked to receive alms. And Peter directed his gaze at him, as did John, and said, 'Look at us.' And he fixed his attention on them, expecting to receive something from them. But Peter said, 'I have no silver or gold, but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk.' And he took him by the right hand and raised him up, and immediately his feet and ankles were made strong. And leaping up he stood and began to walk, and entered the temple with them, walking and leaping and praising God. And all the people saw him walking and praising God, and recognized him as the one who sat at the Beautiful Gate of the temple asking for alms. And they were filled with amazement and wonder at what had happened to him." -Acts 3:1-10
Hold on hold on. Read it again. The man spent his life, sitting right outside of the Gate called Beautiful. He sat on the edge, begging. He sat on the edge of a gate his whole life not knowing that what would actually make him beautiful was right past it. Peter and John used the power of Jesus to heal the man, but not just physically but spiritually. A sinner made new. Treasured. Chosen. Beautiful. Sitting next to things that are "beautiful" or things that are called "beautiful" in worldly terms doesn't make us beautiful. Jesus makes us beautiful. His choosing me, makes me beautiful. Me walking and praising him, as the man at the gate did, makes me beautiful.
Take that Satan.
I share this not to say that I had a huge revelation and I no longer struggle with feeling beautiful. I share this because it's most often these days the hurt of my heart. And Satan knows this weakness, and spits lies in my ears. But they aren't true. He lies. Jesus is truth. Jesus is what makes me beautiful. The Word of God will forever have power over the words of Satan.
Girls, everything that the world tells you is beautiful is fleeting and does not last. I beg of you to pray with me. To pray that The Lord would reveal this to us over and over again every single day.
Josey, you're not beautiful
Josey, you'll never make it as a nurse
Josey, if you were as skinny as you were in high school life would be better
Josey, you can't find joy in school
Josey, everyone sees your imperfections
Josey, no guy will ever want to be your partner for life
Josey, you're not a treasured workmanship of Jesus
Josey, maybe if you try a little harder God will give you whatever you want
Josey, you won't ever be a good missionary
Josey... Josey... Josey
He says my name like he knows me. He says the things my very flesh is the fastest to believe. He says them because he knows those are the things that push me the furthest. He likes to get into the cracks of our minds and disguise himself so we don't even think for a second it's him and we just sit and revel in the lies he spits. The enemy is real, and he is evil.
I've been contemplating writing these feeling on my blog for over a week or so now. And even as I am typing I don't want to share because this is a struggle to reveal that makes me extremely vulnerable, more than I think I have ever been.
I've thought it to be a bad streak. Gaining 35 pounds, getting a ridiculous amount of acne (like come on I'm not in high school anymore), never ending doctors appointments, loneliness in a school full of unbelievers, and situations I'm still processing from my time in Uganda. I catch my self saying in my head, "Come on God, can I catch a break?" Why the continuation. I'm so tired. I love life, but why do you continue to push me a little further than I think I can handle? Oh and then this happens... I start feeling guilty. Satan says, "Shut up Josey, you're fine. People have it much worse, you should feel great. No one wants to hear what hurts."
I struggle to live out the second half of the gospel in my life. I'm really really really good at remembering that I'm a wretched sinner in need of grace and in need of a savior. But, I'm really really really bad at remembering that I am now treasured and unconditionally loved, and whiter than snow. Satan keeps telling me I just need to do a little more, even look a little better... and he. is. a. liar.
Listen to this:
"Now Peter and John were going up to the temple at the hour of prayer, the ninth hour. And a man lame form birth was being carried, whom they laid daily at the gate of the temple that is called Beautiful Gate to ask alms of those entering the temple. Seeing Peter and John about the go into the temple, he asked to receive alms. And Peter directed his gaze at him, as did John, and said, 'Look at us.' And he fixed his attention on them, expecting to receive something from them. But Peter said, 'I have no silver or gold, but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk.' And he took him by the right hand and raised him up, and immediately his feet and ankles were made strong. And leaping up he stood and began to walk, and entered the temple with them, walking and leaping and praising God. And all the people saw him walking and praising God, and recognized him as the one who sat at the Beautiful Gate of the temple asking for alms. And they were filled with amazement and wonder at what had happened to him." -Acts 3:1-10
Hold on hold on. Read it again. The man spent his life, sitting right outside of the Gate called Beautiful. He sat on the edge, begging. He sat on the edge of a gate his whole life not knowing that what would actually make him beautiful was right past it. Peter and John used the power of Jesus to heal the man, but not just physically but spiritually. A sinner made new. Treasured. Chosen. Beautiful. Sitting next to things that are "beautiful" or things that are called "beautiful" in worldly terms doesn't make us beautiful. Jesus makes us beautiful. His choosing me, makes me beautiful. Me walking and praising him, as the man at the gate did, makes me beautiful.
Take that Satan.
I share this not to say that I had a huge revelation and I no longer struggle with feeling beautiful. I share this because it's most often these days the hurt of my heart. And Satan knows this weakness, and spits lies in my ears. But they aren't true. He lies. Jesus is truth. Jesus is what makes me beautiful. The Word of God will forever have power over the words of Satan.
Girls, everything that the world tells you is beautiful is fleeting and does not last. I beg of you to pray with me. To pray that The Lord would reveal this to us over and over again every single day.
YOU are BEAUTIFUL because HE MAKES you BEAUTIFUL.
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